Andy is on the DL

This is old news, but Andres Blanco headed to the DL with a fake injury earlier this week on Tuesday, allowing Ojo the Unlucky to come off the DL. The Cubs immediately regretted this decision as they were shutout by the Commies in the final game of the series. Coincidence? Hardly.

The internets have been a buzz about Andy lately, and it seems people are coming around. Over at the View from the Bleachers, lizzie posed the stupidest question ever: Blanco or Miles? Amazingly, the responses were intellengent with an overwhelming answer of Blanco, sans Brian.

You see, Brian is an aspiring journalist, who just like most college kids these days, doesn't actually do any work in college. In my day we had to do this thing called research. We even had to go to a place called a library. It had these things called books and journals (or magazines). Nowadays all the kids do is wikipedia something, copy, paste and turn in. But that's neither here nor there. Brian is a douchebag and I will rip him to shreds over at TMS and then promptly be fired.

Don't worry though, Andy will be back in 15 days when Aaron Miles mysteriously heads back to the DL with his sandy vagina, or hopefully is released back to the Lollipop Kingdom. Until then, the Andy White Fan Club will be standing by patiently.

Go Andy!

Soriano to Take Andy White's Place at Second?

Lou Pinella is looking for answers, although maybe a little too late. In the ninth inning, Lou moved Soriano to 2nd base. This is very stressful, as I have shown what the Aaron Miles Effect can have on a player. Plus, Sori is the player of the month on my cursed Cubs calendar. I don't think we can afford to lose him, although at this point, punching babies or puppies is probably a better option than what Lou has done this season. There is only so much "non-coaching" he can do. Obviously fundamentals is not something the Cubs are into. It's gonna take a lot more than Andy White's awesomeness to right this ship. Moving Sori to 2nd in order to free up the outfield for another power bat? We have power bats? Let's just get it fucking done.

Go Andy!

Not Even Andy White Can Save This Parade

In a day that saw everyone hit the ball, Andres went 2-3 with a walk, a double and 2 RBI's. That of course was Tuesday, when it looked like the Cubs were turning it around. Blanco was over the Mendoza line, I could smirk in the face of cubbiejulie, and life was good. Then what happened is what I like to call, "the Aaron Miles Effect".

You see Aaron Miles is like Ojo the Munchkin. Despite his happy-go-lucky, hugging everyone (including the enemy) ways, everyone knew him as "Ojo the Unlucky". When he is told this, Ojo discovers rationalizations for this, including the fact that he was born on Friday the 13th, is left-handed, and has a wart under his arm, and he begins to believe that bad luck follows him wherever he goes.

And so Aaron Miles is back, and has infected 2nd base, which is evident in the fact that Blanco went 0-4 today with 2 strikeouts and an error, which almost cost the Cubs the game. So GFY Miles, you midget fuck. Trust me, this has nothing to do with Andy White being mediocre.

Go Andy!